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Cattails Publishing LLC
484 Williamsport Pike #261
Martinsburg, WV 25404
USA
240-527-0900

Text and Artwork: Copyright © 2007 Cattails Publishing LLC. All rights reserved.

Harmful Relationships
Beth E Peterson

Harmful relationships are a part of our reality; they are endemic in society.

You live in a world of social interaction. Other people impinge upon you all the time, whether directly through speech or touch, or indirectly through images, the written word, or various other forms of recording. Many of those social interactions are inconsequential. They really have little impact on your life, who you are as a person, or the choices you make.

Some of those other people, however, can and do…those people who make up your social network: friends, family, co-workers, supervisors, club members, and so on.

The relationships you have with those people in your social networks can either be healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy relationships will cause you damage. The more unhealthy the dynamics in the relationship, the more damage it will cause you. And the dynamics will change. Through time, any given relationships dynamics will either become healthier or more unhealthy. Relationships are not static, just as the people within them are not static. For example, beliefs and attitudes change, knowledge bases change, energy levels change, and environments also change.

What makes a particular relationship healthy? Experience and observation lead one to conclude that there are two critical foundation blocks.

First, there must be honest and open communication with oneself as well as with one's partner. Without complete honesty, especially with your own self, everything else is built on (at the least) shaky ground. The demand for honest, even when it means we see things about ourself or others we don't like, is essential for you (or you and your partner) to be able to tackle and overcome the problem areas. Honesty keeps the wounds from festering in the dark.

Second, the people involved need to be actively seeking to grow as individuals while at the same time supporting and encouraging the autonomous growth of the other person. Healthy relationships are not about control. Healthy relationships are not about two incomplete people using another person to "complete" them. They are about two strong, autonomous people helping each other attain their full potential.

And what makes a relationship unhealthy? The exact opposite, as one might deduce. Harmful relationships are built on lies: lies told to the other person, but also lies told to oneself. Now, it only takes one partner to lie for the relationship to become unhealthy. But, the grim reality is, if one partner lies to the other often enough about a specific thing, the other partner will eventually begin to believe the lie...even with evidence that the first partner is lying.

Harmful relationships are also built on control, at one level or another, and in one way or another. Control can take many forms, such as the partner who demands that they are always "right," or the partner that demands that they are always the "winner," or the partner that states (subtly or openly) that they are "the boss."

Another thing to be aware of is that harmful relationships are unhealthy for both partners. Being controlling can be as destructive to one's psyche as being controlled. Lying can be as harmful to the liar as it is to the one misled by the lie.

For more information on how to avoid becoming entangled in a harmful relationship, see "The Hero's Guide to Protecting Yourself and Your Loved Ones From Harmful Relationships". It is much easier to avoid the damages, rather than having to face and fix them.