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Emotional Health
Lynn C Peterson
To Feel or Not to Feel
That is the Question. If you've ever watched the original Star Trek series you'll
recognize Spock. His father was Vulcan, and totally non-emotional, while his mother was from
Earth. Throughout the series Spock warred against his human - emotional - side, tightly
controlling anything even vaguely resembling an emotion. On those rare occasions when emotions
would burst forth, they were painful and explosive. Like many of us, Spock saw emotions as
weak and "illogical." There was no place in his personal script for such inconveniences.
Roddenberry's next creation, Star Trek, Next Generation, again featured a character who saw
emotions as the earmark of humanity. Data was an android who longed to be human. He yearned to
be human, even adopting a pet cat, "Spot," because so many humans seemed to have pets. For
years he worked on an "emotion chip" which would allow him to finally become human. One of my
favorite interactions between him and Captain Piccard occurred as they were entering a dangerous
situation. Data turned to Piccard and said, "Captain, I believe I'm feeling afraid," to which
Piccard responded, "Perhaps you should turn off your emotion chip." Now I don't know about
you, but I have certainly been in situations where it would have been wonderful to just turn
off my "emotion chip" - or would it?
What are emotions, anyway? Hundreds of years ago the Greek philosopher, Aristotle, asked this
same question and came up with a list of emotions. In fact, if you look on the web, today
people continue to ask that question, and continue to try to list and weigh emotions. The
bottom line, however, is that no matter how we define them, if there is one thing we as humans
share, it is emotions.
Ok, so we all have emotions, now what? Since emotions are a given, how can we become
emotionally healthy? What is emotional health?
Emotionally healthy people not only accept their emotions, they are in control of the thoughts,
feelings and behaviors which arise out of these emotions. Emotionally healthy people have the
ability to express a full range of emotions, and to express them appropriately. Emotionally
healthy people feel good about themselves and consequently enjoy good relationships. Because
they understand what is going on within themselves, emotionally healthy people are able to
keep problems in perspective.
On the flip side, being emotionally stuck is frequently an indicator of a lack of emotional
health. All too often people become stuck in depression or stress, stuck in anger, stuck in
fear, or stuck in guilt or shame. Without emotional growth and change there can't be emotional
health. Interestingly the word "emotion" itself comes from the Latin verb motere which means
"to move through or out" so that the word "e-motion" itself implies energy in motion. The
question for each of us is whether we are allowing this energy to springboard us on to bigger
and better things, or whether we are spending this energy to stay stuck in negative emotions
and situations, sapping our creativity and growth.
Stop to think about situations or times when you've been in a funk about something. How often
is it the other person's response, or circumstance which is creating our pain or frustration?
Actually, the root of almost all our emotional discomfort can be found in our own expectations.
You expect a person to behave in a certain way…and they don't. You expect life to be fair...
and it isn't. You expect your job or our family to bring fulfillment in your life...and
they can't. You expect your boss (or spouse) to recognize your superb work...and they focus
on someone or something else. When you find yourself stuck in pain or anger, ask yourself...
"what is it that I'm expecting in this situation, or from this person?" Once you have
recognized that your feelings are a response to a specific expectation, it becomes easier to
let go of them and move on.
Notice that I said "easier" not "easy." Letting go of hurt, anger, or whatever your particular
negative, toxic emotional response might be will take work. But it's worth it!
Obviously emotional or mental health is a major issue in its own right, but what many people
don't seem to recognize is the high price they pay physically for poor emotional health
practices. Stress, depression, and anxiety can contribute to a host of physical ailments
rampant in society today. These include digestive disorders, sleep disturbances, and lack
of energy. In fact, research has shown that prolonged mismanagement of emotions may be the
number one contributor for most conditions, including psychiatric diseases and memory loss;
heart and vascular diseases; gastrointestinal problems; headaches; skin conditions; urinary
tract difficulties; loss of sex drive; pain and inflammation; respiratory problems; abnormal
weight gain or loss; and immune system problems. It is even implicated in a form of
dwarfism called Psychogenic Dwarfism.
Since emotional health is a priority, how can you enhance it? Set achievable short-term and
long-term goals
- Live with a sense of purpose
- Feel valued at work and at home - we can't control what others say or do, but we can
monitor our attitudes
- Make time for relaxation finding a reasonable balance between work and leisure
- Make time for friends and family
- Exercise or a find a sport your enjoy - walking is fantastic
- Be honest about your feelings - with yourself first and then with others
To feel, or not to feel? The answer may be, neither…and both. Rather than viewing life
through the eyes of Oscar Wilde, who said, "The advantage of the emotions is that they lead
us astray," perhaps we should be more like the 18th Century French moralist, Vauvenargues,
who said, "Emotions have taught mankind to reason." Maybe the best answer is in a melding
of the two, logic and reason plus emotions. Together they produce an effective, stronger,
more compassionate, and yes, more logical person.
Remember Spock and Data? In the end Spock made peace with his humanity, his emotions. And
Data? Data was last seen in his book- filled library, listening to classical music in front of
a crackling fire, while stroking his cat Spot and reading...a quiet smile of enjoyment on his face.
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