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Cattails Publishing: Nourish the "who" of who you are

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Cattails Publishing LLC
484 Williamsport Pike #261
Martinsburg, WV 25404
USA
240-527-0900

Text and Artwork: Copyright © 2007 Cattails Publishing LLC. All rights reserved.

An Apple From the Teacher: School Anxiety — Lynn C Peterson, M.Ed.

Most kids look forward to school but for a few kids it can be incredibly stressful. It will take patience and support from parents and school alike to help these kids get past their anxiety.

Generally we are talking about the young ones off to their first day of school and their first real separation from parents and home. It is not unusual to see a little kindergartener clinging to a parent's leg on the first day of school, screaming at the top of their lungs. Fortunately, most kindergarten teachers are adept at dealing with both the stressed parent and the distressed child. Usually by the end of the first hour the child is deeply engrossed in the activities of the day and by the end of the first week they're happily looking forward to school — provided parents handle things calmly, that is.

For the highly strung, or "perfections" anxiety at school can return at any time. It usually rears its ugly head when the child is especially stressed. While anxiety may show up at school, the stress can come from the family itself. It might be a death of a beloved pet or family member, or it might be that the family is experiencing stress such as parents arguing or who are in the process of divorce. It may be moving to a new home or even a new school. Some kids don't want to come to school because they fear of a bully or tests - especially the new federal and state testing programs that may go on for a week at a time. Most kids don't recognize that they aren't really expected to get all the answers right, so they dread the tests going in, and feel like failures coming out. It doesn't help that they don't even receive any feedback once it's all over.

Many of the kids I've worked with have never learned comfortable and appropriate ways to interact with others and want to stay nestled in the safe confines of their home, interacting only with people they already know. If we don't encourage them to step out of their safe little nests, however, they'll never interact comfortably with the world.

Whatever the cause behind your child's anxiety, you play a tremendous role in softening its impact. There isn't any one-size-fit-all answer for treating school anxiety, but there certainly are some general guidelines that can go a long way.

• Let your child know that you're interested in what's going on and what they're feeling — or fearing — and then back off. Don't force them to talk.
• Spend time with your child. Many a child who says "nothing is wrong" or who is resistant to "talking about it" will slowly start to reveal what they're feeling during a game or a walk. If this happens don't forget to stay cool. Too much interest will frighten them off.
• Acknowledge their discomfort, but lovingly and firmly reinforce their need to go to school.
• Don't get excited or act worried. They need understanding, but not sympathy!
• Set some form of communication in place so that your child doesn't feel cut off from you. "Love notes" in their lunch box or back pack can be great way to let them know that you're still thinking of them, they're not alone. Some kids may even need to set up a safety-line set up through school personnel so that they can call at preset times, or when the anxiety becomes too great. I even had a parent of one 5th grader who brought her work and sat in the hallway where her daughter could check periodically to see if she was still there. While I don't usually feel this is the best choice, in this extreme case it worked remarkable well. By the third day the girl asked her mother to go home, she'd see her in the afternoon.
• Work with your child's school. The teacher and the school counselor will be a tremendous support to both your child and to you.
• What ever you do, don't reinforce the behavior by allowing your child to stay home.
• Don't take it personally.
• If it becomes too severe get professional counseling as soon as possible.

Remind yourself that if you give in it will only make the behavior — and the fear — worse in the long run. Acknowledge their fear, try to find ways to help them feel connected to you and supported by you when you are absent, and then make sure that they go to school. What may be discomfort and anxiety now will become a phobia in later years if give in now.

Good luck and don't worry, most kids work through school anxiety pretty well. All they'll need is support from you and time.