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Parenting 101: When You Leave Your Child — Debbie MacLean Every parent, at one time or another, will leave their child in someone else's care. Either for work reasons, to get away and have a date with your spouse, for a doctor's appointment or for some other reason, every child will eventually have someone other than mom or dad looking after them. Because of this, every parent will eventually go through separation anxiety, yes, that does say PARENT! Most children will as well, and how we as the parent handle the separation will, in part determine how severe our child's anxiety is.
Younger children experience separation anxiety because Mom and Dad are the primary caregivers and together they and the children make up a complete family unit. When the child sees part of their family (in their eyes, part of the "one" unit) leave, they find it hard to realize that the separation will only be temporary, all they know is that the person they love most in the world is walking away. One way to help alleviate a child's fears is to make sure they know the alternate caregiver very well, especially if separation is something new. Maybe for the first few times leave them with a close family member or friend. If you live far away from family and need to hire a babysitter, invite them over a few times to "play" while you are going to be at home so that your child will become comfortable with them. This will also give you the opportunity to watch how the sitter interacts with your child, and can also give you a great chance to catch up on whatever needs to be done around the home without having a little one underfoot! When the time comes to actually say good-bye and walk out the door, it is a good idea to tell your child "I'm going now but I will be back" Let them know when to expect to see you, whether it will be at dinner time or bed time or "I won't be back till you are sleeping but I can't wait to hear at breakfast how much fun you had tonight!" In handling your own stress when leaving your children, remember to trust whomever you have left them with. Never leave your child with someone you wouldn't trust and then relax knowing they can handle the situation. Also, realize that 9 times out of 10 the child has calmed down by the time you have the car out of the driveway! Many times, we the parent, are carrying more stress and anxiety about the separation than our child is. If you need to, for your own peace of mind, call your caregiver after an hour or so and check in. Lastly, don't give up! Maybe you have a child who just isn't happy when you aren't around. The best thing you can do is to keep trying! Encourage your child when you are not going out, tell them how much you love them and that when you are away you can't wait to get home to find out how much fun they had. Experiment by leaving them for short amounts of time, so that they come to realize that Mom and Dad are not going to be gone forever, then gradually lengthen the time you are away. When you have made it through to the other side of separation anxiety, you will find the time away from your children to be a great time of relaxing and recharging. The time together that you share together will be more meaningful and full of appreciation for each other! |
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